What happens in the high desert, stays in the high desert

This weekend was nuts! I had some serious time for contemplation and realized that I had never spent a weekend away from civilization before without my family. Correct me if I’m wrong, loyal followers. There were two big events for the weekend:

1. Punk rock concert!
2. Desert conference in Young Life/ ex-Raj Neeshi-sexually-exploratory Camp

Most of the rest of the staff had tickets to go see Against Me! – two hours east of camp. They are a punk rock band from Gainsville, Florida, who to me sound like a more screamy, less musical version of Dropkick Murphy’s. Those of you who know me are probably thinking – screaming punk rock in the middle of nowhere – sounds like Adam’s cup of tea. This is sarcasm. It was a strange concert. Overall, I had a wonderful evening, but a few things about punk rock shows aren’t very fun: getting punched in the nose in the midst of a mosh-pit a week after smashing myself in the face with my own tennis racquet, paying $20 to see a show and having them take up one of the three hours that you spend there, and returning home piss-drunk at 3:15am, just four and a half hours before you are supposed to wake-up and represent your place of employment at an intellectual, ecological seminar. Did I mention that the final 20 minutes of the drive home is a winding country road that mimics the path of a first-time alcoholic taking a walk-the-line test on the side of a road? If you’ve been drinking whisky, beer, and a couple of Irish Car-bombs with a generous quantity of Jameson, whipping along that road at 3am feels kind of like dying. I had to stay awake, however, because one of my co-workers was driving my car and was probably just as tired as I was (but a lot less drunk). I would stay awake and try to act social as long as possible before I had to pass out again to fight off the desire to vomit up the Domino’s pizza I ploughed through earlier in the evening. We stopped in my favorite park in Madras to pee in the bushes, stretch our legs and curse the fact that he last hour we spent crammed into the back of my car was only the first half of our 2-hour journey starting at 1:15 am.

Oh, right, the concert itself! I had never been moshing before and it turns out that drunk me decided it would be a great idea to pick up the flannel I found on the ground after the concert and take it home with me as a souvenir – a free one at that. I also got a sweet hat that I found on the ground earlier in the night. FREE SOUVENIRS! WOO! The event itself was alright. Turns out Against Me! and their famous song that has something to do with being a teenage anarchist didn’t really play to my social distresses as much as the rest of my fellow concert-goers. It was pretty fun though experiencing a new cultural phenomenon and doing something I just would never have done if I hadn’t been going with my then co-workers and now friends. I got to see my good buddy with his punk Jedi curl from the summer there as well – it has since been bleached-blonde to enhance his Jedi powers, so that’s great.

41/2 hours later I woke up to begin the second leg of my fantastic desert weekend: the desert conference, which is held at this ridiculous place where the Rash-Neeshi used to live and preside over his countless number of free-loving cult-members. Check out Wikipedia if you don’t know anything about this episode of US history. There’s an out-of-service airstrip to welcome you that theoretically used to be able to accommodate 747s. After that it gets even more ridiculous: zip lines into a man-made lake with a “blob”, a nice swimming pool with chaise-lounges, a whiffleball field with a fence, (I did not hit it over, but my co-worker did – we spent about 20 minutes trying: awesome!), a huge grassy field for many purposes, an orchard, three lodges that double as hotel rooms and meeting halls, countless dorms, a dining complex (I don’t use this term lightly) that could theoretically cater to 700 people using 5 banquet rooms, and I’m sure there’s more that I didn’t get a chance to check out. Perfectly manicured, lush, green lawns everywhere. AND THIS IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT! The middle of nowhere. It takes about 20 minutes before you reach a paved road and then it takes another hour before you reach a town of more than 100 people (another 3 or so before you hit a town with more than 500). This is Young Life Washington Family Ranch. The lectures were interesting, but kind of repetitive. There was a lot of talk about expanding/ creating new wilderness areas to protect the deserts of the John Day basin – Cathedral Rock, and the Painted Hills are just a few of the notable ( I do use this term lightly) landmarks in the area. I saw four 90-minute presentations, but the best of all was the last guy who was supposed to talk about birding in the area. He was about 70 years old and had maybe 30 overhead projector laminations that he had an assistant put up and he would name the bird and maybe add a little about their migration patterns: maybe. He sometimes couldn’t identify the bird because the quality of the laminations was so poor. This was compared with folks who were discussing new legislation on wind energy vs. solar energy, the creation of wilderness areas and GIS-mapping technology outbreaks. It was really awkward and kind of embarrassing, but it was also rather hilarious. He had a ridiculous drawl and would pronounce the state to our north as “Warshington.” Great end to a long, caffeine-riddled day of lectures. They provided us with two delicious meals and free local microbrews as well as one keg of something from Deschutes Brewery. Delicious! All free! The $20 registration fee was paid for by my employer. I was supposed to go with my boss, the maintenance guy, and four other instructors. My boss and the maintenance guy ended up going to a different conference in a different city and two of the other instructors stayed and slept in because they were “sick” (they were at the concert with me the night before). So in the end, there were just three of us there, but we had a good time.

The highlight of the trip, however, was this girl who worked for the organization that put on the conference. She gave a presentation that wasn’t phenomenal because she was clearly nervous, but was insightful and well-prepared. She was beautiful and young (c. 25 years-old), but she captured my heart in the span of one delirious day. I wanted to try to talk to her during the drinking hour before dinner, but I was too scared. The final event of the evening was a keynote speaker (Edward Norton’s father – don’t ask, I didn’t get it. He was terrible. My problem is when people think it’s a good idea to have a famous person’s parents speak at a function. IF YOU CAN’T GET THE FAMOUS PERSON, THEN THEIR PARENTS ARE JUST SOME OTHER PERSON WHO DOESN’T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING IMPORANT TO SAY! COME ON, PEOPLE!) During the speech, this girl came in and stood next to me. There were plenty of places to stand but she stood right next to me and then she inched closer to me. The next part was verified by my co-worker, but we later decided that she kept looking over at me every 30 seconds or so during the speech. She was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt with moccasins and no socks. She was also coyly twirling her hair, which may have been absent-minded, but there in that moment, was the cutest thing I’ve seen in a good long time. She also was frequently scratching her back and removing her moccasins in public, which are unattractive qualities in most walks of life, but somehow in this situation, made her feel more real. More down-to-earth. I don’t know, it was weird. While she was looking at me, I also was looking over at her and would look away whenever she looked at me because I’m afraid of pretty girls. She then walked in front of me and leaned on the counter in front of her in a potentially, but not necessarily - in fact very unlikely - provocative fashion. She then proceeded to look behind herself at me again off and on during the speech. No one was speaking during this speech – no one. Not even whispers. There was no way I could get away with talking to her. My heart was racing, I was sweating like a pig (thank you Italian father and Jewish mother for the best sweating genes ever. I’ve got thermoregulation by evaporative cooling down pat). In the end, my coworkers and I decided that since the speech sucked so hard, we were going to leave in the middle, which we stealthily did. I realize I’m building this up for some sort of dramatic moment where she races out of the lodge and shouts, “No, stop! I’ll never love another like I love you!” We then run into each other’s arms and passionately kiss in the streets during a rainstorm. But, alas, this is the desert: there are no rain storms and my overly active imagination let me down once again. She did not come running and the three of us (my co-workers) drove home that night, while one of my co-workers very strangely was discussing how easy it is to get around child-pornography laws in foreign countries – strange and uncomfortable for sure.

That night, I looked her email up on her company’s website and wrote her an email saying that I thought she was very beautiful and I wished that I had the opportunity to speak with her. If she ever comes through the area around camp, she should email me and let me know and I could take her on some hikes or something. It was dumb, but I felt that I really ought to let her know that I thought she was so pretty and cute. She twirled her hair at me! What was I supposed to do!?!? I felt that in the very least, everyone can stand to be told that they’re beautiful, you know? That always makes someone feel good, even if it’s a little creepy. In the very most, she liked me too and maybe we could somehow meet, even though I believe her company is stationed in this part of the state. In any case I haven’t heard back from her, and at this point, I don’t really expect to hear anything, which is fine. Just a fun, little one-day crush.

Furthermore, one of our cooks quit. This is after two other quit over the summer due to, let’s just call it a “disagreement with the manager.” Now we just have one cook, so the other half of cooking duties are getting split up and I’ll definitely be doing some dinner-cooking next week when I’m working maintenance. I’m pumped. I don’t know jack-crap about cooking for two people, not to mention 100. It’s gonna be an adventure.

I must sleep now. You probably do too after trying to get through these entries. Just a couple days in my shoes. I hope you enjoyed. I certainly enjoy writing them. Until next time, my friends.